I have a beautiful one year old grandson named Carter MacAllen, who goes by "Mac."I always imagined that I would have 20 years or so to be his Opa and teach him what I could about life. Now that may not be the case. So I'm inviting all of you who have offered your best wishes to support me in creating a gift for Mac. Please write a comment to this blog introducing yourself to Mac and telling him how you know me. Then tell him one thing that you have learned from being in association with me that he might find useful later in life. Anything from the mundane to the deeply philosophical is greatly welcomed. And Mac has already demonstrated a good sense of humor so feel free to make him laugh. Thank you one and all for your contribution.
Update. My surgery is scheduled for Monday the 13th. I'll be in the hospital all week. I expect that the following week of the 20th will not allow me to resume my calls or participate in workshops. But I should be able to start scheduling calls the week of the 27th. That's the plan so far. If I need chemo then I'll probably need to add another week.
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteAs of today, I’ve known your Opa for about 5 years and counting. I first got to know him in Atlanta, when I attended Buddhist book discussion classes that he offered at a Unitarian Universalist congregation. We would read short sections of a selected book aloud, and then discuss what we had read. He has an amazing ability to guide people in discovering their own understanding and insight, by asking questions rather than giving answers. He is truly a teacher at heart! When he and Paula moved to Austin, I kept in touch, and I feel blessed to consider them friends.
When I think of your Opa, words that come to mind include integrity, kindness, compassion, tenacity, wisdom, love, intellectual curiosity, and openness. Oh, and humor! He looks pretty serious, but he’s really a funny guy with a subtle sense of humor! He also gives good hugs!
What one thing have I learned from him? I think I’ll have to list two!
I think I first heard about the Buddhist concept of self-compassion from your Opa. As I understand it, this means that, in addition to not judging others, you should not judge yourself. No, this is not a free pass to do whatever you want! :-) Rather, when you become aware of your mistakes or harmful actions, try to do better, but always be kind and compassionate toward yourself. Accept and love yourself as you are.
Another thing I’ve learned from your Opa is the value in caring for other people without thinking of what you will get in return. Well, this is not a new idea, and I think I already tended to approach people this way instinctively. But your Opa made me think about this in a more conscious way, and to recognize how this approach by all of us would make the world a more loving and compassionate place.
May your life be a grand adventure, and may the love and wisdom of your Opa be with you always!
Love, Cindy
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteSomeone asked me today how I came to practice Zen Buddhism and I told my story (again) of how I was attending UUCA and really appreciated the things I was hearing from the new associate minister Paula Gable. She let the congregation know on a regular basis that she and her husband, your Opa, had formed a meditation group that sat early in the mornings on Mon-Fri.
I felt on some level that I needed to go and try out the meditation but I ignored my inner urgings for a good several months. Being up at 5:30am to be at the group by 6:30am was just too darn early!!
Finally circumstances in my life and the strong inner drive to go, got me out of bed one morning and I went to the church and found the group and sat down. This was the beginning of a beautiful close and supportive relationship with the group and your Opa and Oma.
One day when I hadn't been coming to the group very long, I was asked to take the role of doshi and do the bows and incense before sitting down. I was SO uncomfortable because I didn't know how to do it! Your Opa gently suggested to me that I might want to take a look at my need to be perfect. I learned a long time ago that love leads us gently back to ourselves. When he spoke that simple sentence with such kindness, he held that mirror up for me to see myself more clearly. Writing this now, I feel so moved by his loving act and fully appreciate how this gentle suggestion has had a profound impact on me and my path to self awareness and acceptance.
There are so many ways that your Opa touched my heart that I feel I could write on and on as I sit and think about these things. I appreciate his tender and open heart and value our time in relationship more than words can say.
With love,
Chrissie
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Yukeba Davis and I met your "Opa" through the Stagen Integral Leadership Program where he was my coach. I have learned numerous things from your "Opa." My fondest memory of "Opa" would be his encouragement for me during the lowest point in my life. He provided me with the strength and guidance needed to get over the loss of my unborn child. He reiterated what my grandmother taught me and that is when life knocks you down, dust yourself off and get back up. I am blessed to have met "Opa" and I truly appreciate and admire "Opa."
I am sure that I will post other things that I learned from Opa.
Take care Mac!
Yukeba
Hi Mac,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Heather Gardner and I met your "Opa" in Atlanta at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation there. I really enjoyed participating in a Zen Buddhist sangha with him. What a treat! We got to share meals, meditation, and numerous classes together. Being a part of this community was very enriching and inspiring for me. Your Opa's leadership was integral to its creation.
With regard to passing a long a life lesson or two . . . I would vote for "humor." Laughter is sacred. Part of being an adult is learning how to "show up" to certain things. But part of being a person on this planet is also finding perspective through humor and sharing that with others.
Lastly, I would also highly recommend a short read from a book that I first read with your Opa in a class he was leading. It is the chapter "Interbeing" in "The Heart of Understanding" by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is really special passage.
Enjoy!
Abrazos,
Heather
Mac,
ReplyDeleteHowdy! I know Opa from working with him at Stagen for the last 3-4 years. I remember meeting him the first time. He was staying at the Zen center in Austin, TX and I met him for lunch. When I arrived, he was sweeping the front walk and asked that I wait until he was done. I sat on the porch and watched him sweep. Just sweep. That's all.
As I got to know your Opa, I realized he had a variety of life experiences. Yet, he was always open to learning and listening. I hope you and I can have that trait as we mature through life.
With love,
Keith
“What purpose do they serve in your life?” He asked. And I answered, “None, anymore.” And I believed myself. Phil’s question was potentially devastating, but, like a swift martial arts move, his timing and tone hit the mark. “You are strong enough without them” he continued, with searing eyes and kind voice. A voice I could not deny. I would release my aunt and uncle, for they were immovable orthodox catholics. They reserved the right to disagree with my views. But now they had cast me out of their lives indefinitely because I was to participate in a gay wedding – my own. Had I not seen his eyes, heard his words, his tone of voice - at my emptying point - I may not have recovered from their rejection.
ReplyDelete“Take no offense, even if it is offered.” He said. And in doing so he changed my mind about the whole thing. I exhaled and reviewed the implications of this statement. Why did it hit so right, so clearly? I don’t know, but I could no longer see this or any other “enemy” in the same way. I could no longer see many enemies at all. Only those worthy of such a name.
“One of our roles is to help others grow and evolve,” Phil said to a table of captive listeners. We were three generations of Herrick family, Friday after Thanksgiving, 2007, joined by our dear friends Phil and Paula. Though our nieces had long retired underneath the table to pet the dogs, they listened intently. Phil was describing, in simple, parabolic story, a very complex human dynamic. He even used colors, at which point, Becca, the youngest at 7, called out, “I know what he means” and proceeded to describe all those at the table and to what color they corresponded.
“You learn to ask, not ‘What do I need from my partner?’; but rather, you ask, ‘What does my partner need from me?’ Phil dropped this bomb-of-a-concept a number of times, simply decimating any delusions otherwise for how to create harmonious relationship with your life partner. Yet, each time I heard it, I practiced. And each time I practiced, I got better at it.
“I’m just a Lover.” said Phil, as Alice and I, Paula and Phil sat by the blazing fire at our Pocono Mountain home: We nodded while he laughed in his belly-deep giggle. We have long known, simply by his straightforward manner – that his love seeks to be boundless: for Paula, his kids, his teachers, his practice, his friends, his clients , his colleagues, his work. His dog, his turtle, his fish and his chicken are also recipients of this unbridled regard.
“MMMM Yum” said Phil, after he wiped his plate clean. We were under the impression that, for this spontaneous visit, we had no food to offer our friends. Nothing but 1 lb of raw, frozen, organic and locally-farmed buffalo meat and a few old vegetables. With that, Phil said, “Show me where you keep your spices.” And,with the precision of Edward Scizzorhands, his hands shot in every direction – up and down, left and right, shaking, cutting, chopping and sautéing. By the end Phil had succeeded in making something out of nothing! Within an hour, he had whipped up a hearty and delicious meal for the four of us, and invited us to join him in the prayer, “this food is the gift of the whole universe. . .
Brightest Blessings to you, Mac. We are long time friends of your Opa. We hope you will uncover something helpful for you in our stories of him
Alice and Susan
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteI was a student and admirer of your Opa in the Stagen ILP program. One thing I learned from him that I try to model in my own life is the power of being quiet, still, and fully engaged.
Then when he did eventually make a penetrating comment, it was with the same quiet, still, fully engaged intensity. He wasn't trying to be noticed, or admired, or respected, but that's what happened every time.
If you carry just a spark of your Opa, the world has much to be grateful for.
Your fan,
Jonathan Domsky
My name is Bob Freeburg and I was introduced to your Opa as my coach through the Stagen Integral Leadership Program. He coached me weekly for a little over a year and during that time Opa taught me how to become a better listener of others and myself. He has a wise and confident teaching style which expanded my perspective on business, relationships, and life.
ReplyDeleteDespite his vast knowledge and experience, I admire your Opa’s diligent openness to viewpoints new and unexplored. I was fortunate to experience Opa in his true calling as he grew not only as my coach but also my friend.
Bob Freeburg
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteYour Opa has been an inspiratino to me. He has taught me many valuable lessons. A few that have come to mind are:
1) Te be a good listener. We have 2 ears and 1 mouth so we should listen at least twice as much as we talk. I've never learned anything from talking.
2) Take time for yourself. I've spent so much of my life devoted to my business that I neglected taking care of myself. Phil taught me to spend time on my mental, spiritual and physical wellbeing. This has made me more effective at work and much happier.
3) How to truly love others. He taught me that true love is putting others needs before your own and asking yourelf what you can do for them rather what they have done for you. This is what makes love grow.
You're lucky to have such a wise and wonderful grandfather who loves you so much.
Sincerely,
Clayton Christopher
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteYour grandfather has showed me how important it is to look inside yourself to understand why we do the things we do. It is important to understand and investigate our feelings and thoughts. I know myself more fully and am in more control of my actions because of Phil.
Best wishes,
Andy Kershner
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteI've only known your Grandfather for a few years but know him well enough to understand that he has dedicated his life to being the best person he can be and that he sincerely wants to help others do the same. I have learned a tremendous amount from his own experiences and life than I ever could have been "taught." We should all aspire to be as great of a man as him.
Sincerely,
Carter Tolleson
Mac,
ReplyDeleteWhen you look in the mirror and see yourself, and wonder how you became, and what makes you what you are — know that much of what you are is from those, like your grandfather, who gave without reservations, not only unselfishly, but with wisdom. You will always have within you all those who came before you. And their love has become your love.
Kim
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteI know your Opa (and Paula) through the Austin Zen Center. We have been acquaintances for several years, but have worked very closely on the board over the past 16 months. I cherish their friendship.
When I consider the qualities that make your grandfather special, I would place his open-minded acceptance of things as they are at the top of the list. I have never heard your Opa make a unkind comment about anyone, nor have I really heard him complain. When I am in a difficult place, Phil has frequently helped me to see the larger picture and to let go of my attachments to self.
But, if you really want to know what makes your Opa special, take a look at his blogs, written in a time of crisis and challenge.
Hope you have a great life,
Charles
Hi Mac,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have only known your grandfather for a very short period I am honored to know him and appreciate our friendship. He has a way of drawing out of me my most inner thoughts and beliefs which has allowed me to better know and understand myself and what is truly important to me in life. He is a very wise man who shares his wisdom with others to improve their quality of life. I have learned so much from Phil in a very short time period. if I had to tell you one thing that your grandfather has taught me that I would like to pass on to you is self awareness. Take the time to reflect on your day ,your behavior, your surroundings.I can not tell you how many things that I have noticed or became aware of since my association with Phil.It is amazing all of the little things in life that you miss when you do not take the time to notice.He is a great man who is dedicated to helping people become better human being and better at what they do. Sincerely Ed
Dear Mac-
ReplyDeleteI met your Opa on Oct 20, 2005 as I began a coaching relationship with Phil as part of a development program offered through the Stagen Institute. Back in those days, your Opa lived in Atlanta and used to commute periodically to Dallas to be part of an extraordinary group who were committed to meet and work with groups of 12 - 15 people for a twelve month period as they sought to develop themselves in some way. In the four to five years before that point and in the four more years leading up to this writing, your Opa worked with probably 100 people in this capacity helping them to pursue their form of betterment, whether in their workplace, in their home or in their community. My personal relationship with your Opa has continued since that time, mostly through periodic phone calls and face-to-face meetings in either Austin or Dallas, Texas (where I currently live).
I don’t know exactly how to describe your Opa in a way that you will be able to fully relate to but I feel blessed for having a relationship with him. Your Opa has a wisdom that is rare in this world. He sees things, knows things and understands things that most people do not see, know or understand. As part of this very special wisdom, he has a gift to be able to communicate with a loving tenderness and insight that is truly extraordinary. This gift has had a huge impact on my life and has caused me to want to be like him in a way that is consistent with my background and circumstances. I have come to deeply appreciate and value his perspective and his loving guidance has allowed me to choose to refocus the priorities in my life.
If one measure of a person is the impact they have on the world by way of the impact they have on the people with whom they come in contact, then I can tell you that your Opa is a world changer. For me and many others, he has poured forth his love and wisdom in ways that many of us are still just beginning to apprehend. You have much to be proud of, young Mac, to be part of such a robust lineage.
I know your Opa loves you very much by how he lights up when he tells me and others about you and the time he spends with you. You hold a very special place in his heart. I wish for you that you have many years to come to know your Opa in the same way that many of us have been so fortunate.
Take care, young Mac.
Peter
Dear Mac,
ReplyDeleteWhat a lucky guy you are to have a Opa like Phil and Omi (Grandmother) like Paula.
I really new Paula first and then got to meet Phil through Paula. I so enjoyed their company, their humor, their introducing me to Zen Buddhism, their voracious appetite with the "good" foods and just their general attitude towards life in general.
I remember playing racquetball with your Opa and beating his pants off! I got real nervous, because I thought he would beat the heck out of me with his Karate background, which I was very impressed with. But he was calm , cool and collected (as usual).
I wish I had his patience, his discipline and his dry humor on life's problems. I am just sorry that I did not get to know him better, when they were in Atlanta. If you are ever in Atlanta, call me (404-256-6393) and we will play some racqetball.
Take care my friend and a special Hello to Phil and Paula.
Ed Siller from Atlanta
Mac,
ReplyDeleteThis morning I received an email update regarding your Grandpa's health and wellness which inspired me to share with you a few thoughts about the man I know as "Phil"
First off, Phil's not perfect. Far from it if you really want to know, and yet this is what I have come to most appreciate and respect about him. I'll spare you the diatribe about all of Phil's shortcomings, quirks, and just plain strangeness (of which there are many) and stick to what really matters... which is how Phil chose to embrace, welcome and work with these things. In a world today ripe with fear, self-deception and ignorance the most inspiring thing about Phil was his willingness to face what is in front of him, regardless of what it is, especially his current health challenges. There are those who may say this is not anything extraordinary, people do it all the time but Phil, to me is unique in that he is doing it and has done it in an elegant and honorable fashion - something I've not quite mastered. Even more impressive to me was the fact that he has done it in environments flush with drama, deceipt, and denial where it would have been so easy to have been swept away by prevailing currents. Phil's courage, curiosity, compassion and kindness helped me see where I was stuck and inspired me to higher visions of what is possible in one's life. And for this I am eternally grateful to him.