Then Dr. Williamson called to tell me the surgery has to be put off for a week. The fellow surgeon who was to help him perform the operation had a death in the family and had to postpone. It felt so weird to notice my disappointment at not going into the hospital three days from now. To see my shock and dismay that now that I had so carefully prepared myself, I might have to hold onto that preparation for another 10 days. Somehow the idea of "psyching" myself for that long seems like too much work, now. And kind of pointless. This next week, I'm recommitting to letting go of plans and ideas that will save me. I'm recommitting to just supporting Life completely. Moment by moment. Thy will be done.
*in Buddhism, the demon that tempts us through egoism.
Dear Phil
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for role modeling grace, transparency, and authentic presence. And for sharing your internal world in this way. I don't know of a more powerful way to teach others. It's not about already being perfected (not even possible of course but one of those silly ego goals we set as a goal before we try to 'teach'). Rather you teach through how you are present to what is arising and how you handle it or struggle with it and the beauty of your words as you share.
I am sorry for this life situation you and Paula are dealing with. I send you my love and prayers for healing.
Perhaps this week those of us who love you can focus on the metaphysical domain of support and see if we cannot create the conditions in your physical body that will make this surgery as easy as possible for you. I have mixed feelings about the magical thinking that often arises around healing prayer - AND I have seen some amazing miracles occur. So if you don't object I'll add you to the Silent Unity prayer list and I will pray for you and we'll see if we can use the week to demonstrate that we are truly all connected and can access something beyond the visual/measurable "relative" reality.
I would ask others reading this blog to participate in this way too if they are so inclined. It can be a shared spiritual practice for the next week or more!
Thank you for being you. And know that I am here for you if I can help you or Paula in any way.
much love
Cindy
Dear Phil,
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw that your surgery had been postponed, my first instinct was to say, I'm so sorry! But I don't know how the universe works... And I see that you are turning the delay into an opportunity for growth, a way to learn more about living your life. By sharing your journey through your blog, you are also teaching (as always), prodding your readers to think about ways of responding to uncertainty, to the twists and turns that life takes. Thank you!
As you move through the next week, you may have periods of stress and anxiety, no matter what you do. But I also wish you peace, and joy in unexpected moments...in daily activities, and in times shared with family, friends, and pets.
I am keeping you and Paula in my thoughts and in my heart.
Big hug, Cindy
p.s. I initially emailed you after reading this post. But it occurred to me that maybe the idea is to have not only your posts but also the responses public, so we are more like a community. So, here’s a revised version of my earlier response!
Thank you so much, Phil, for sharing so publicly what is for most poeple a very private experience.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful that I can learn from you in this unwelcome and unexpected way.
Keep your tail up.
Jonathan Domsky
I am confident you will get through this detour in your life. You are a force to be reckoned with, so get on with it! I look forward to you being around for a very long time........
ReplyDeleteYou and Paula are in my thoughts and prayers.
Debbie